Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
