seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
