i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
