oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
