Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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