I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
