Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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