I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
