His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
