There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
