I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i now understand why vodka
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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