i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
