she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
