omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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