So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
