we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
