My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
