I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He did a backflip because drugs
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