he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
