I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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