apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
