also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
