Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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