I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
