He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
