I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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