Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
