i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
