a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
