and you said cock pushups were impossible
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
