If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
