and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
