did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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