gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize