they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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