I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
