well you can't waste a boner
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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