I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Can I color on your dick again?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
