I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
