Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
