Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
