ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
