I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
stop calling my apartment porn island.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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