So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
