I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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