I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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