The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
barbara walters just said penis...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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