well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
