hotel room ftw
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
