I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
