I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
