i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
