ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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