Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
