You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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