That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
