I think i peed on brittanys purse
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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