Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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