if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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