Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
