Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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