when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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