Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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