Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
