Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
