now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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