WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Houston, we have a squirter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
