I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
