I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
