We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
