Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
