Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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