We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
